December 29th, 2008: Racist Break-In Bellick Grandmother

I guess I haven't updated nearly enough lately, but somehow I can't help but think that my readers will be better off mentally not reading everything. Maybe I'd start giving you nightmares too.

So, anyway, this was a really racist dream, and I get agitated when I think of it. I guess I can explain that. I'm reading literature with lots of prejudice these days, and it makes me really angry. It's come to the point where I'm making strangling movements in mid-air. It's that well written.

So. I dreamed that my grandmother had just died. In reality, she died when my father was young, so I never met her. But anyway, I was cleaning out her house. It was an old-fashioned house, it looked like nothing had been replaced since the 70s at least. So what I'd call tacky I guess (sorry). And I remember some green plants in brownish-yellow pots. Everything outdated really.
And I was in there gathering some things and walking up and down the stairs cleaning it out, and suddenly there's three girls in the living-room, looking sheepish and embarassed. Through talking to them I found out that they'd let themselves in, thinking it was ok because the house was empty and no one lived there anymore. As if it still wasn't breaking and entering.
But I didn't seem too worried about that fact at the time, I must admit.
And then one of the girls asked me "are you a negro too" as if that was a word they'd used to describe my grandmother when she was still living in their neighbourhood.
The fact that none of us were ever black doesn't bother me as much as the word they used. But I wasn't too surprised in the dream. I answered something like "well, it's not like I haven't been called a foreigner (and in the negative form) before", and I actually have been many times.

I can't remember more of this dream, but earlier in the night I dreamed I was married (or maybe intended) to this fat, bald guy, he reminded me of Bellick from Prison Break actually. That's not good. I'm more of a Lincoln or Sucre kind of woman. And I was rejecting him (naturally), and at the same time walking around corridors and different rooms gathering other people's belongings for some reason.